Why Effective Teams Still Fight — And Why That’s a Good Thing
Conflict doesn’t mean your team is broken. It might actually mean you’re doing something right.
Contrary to popular belief, conflict is not always a red flag. In fact, healthy conflict is essential for teams and relationships to grow. It is through conflict that trust is developed and strengthened, ideas are refined, and a culture of inclusion is not just talked about but observed. In mission-driven organizations such as hospitals, universities, and nonprofits, collaboration is often held up as the ultimate ideal. As a result, many people in such industries champion teamwork, preach harmony, and reward cohesion, but to what price? If we value harmony over friction or view conflict as a sign of failure, we risk creating environments where people’s voices are silenced, ideas withheld, and innovation stifled.
But what if, rather than signaling dysfunction, the presence of conflict signals something else entirely — engagement, care, diversity of thought? What if healthy disagreement isn’t the enemy of teamwork, but one of its most powerful tools? It is these questions that I want to address.
The Myth of Harmony
Many may find comfort in the belief that great teams always get along. But as a communication scholar with nearly 20 years of experience, and someone who actively helps people navigate conflict and difficult conversations, I have learned that the best ideas don’t always emerge from group hugs — they arise from friction. And this isn’t just an anecdote — it’s grounded in theory. Communication scholars have long studied team development, how trust is built, and how group dynamics can go wrong in the absence of conflict. Take, for instance, Irving Janis’s classic theory of Groupthink. Janis’s theory offers the sobering warning that teams who prioritize harmony at all costs often make the worst decisions. Specifically, when groupthink occurs, people commonly avoid confrontation, silence dissent, and create the illusion of consensus, even when critical voices are needed.
Countless examples are found across history, but some of the most famous documented cases include the Bay of Pigs invasion, the failure to protect Pearl Harbor, the escalation of the Vietnam War, and the Challenger disaster. Some more modern-day examples also include the coverage of Brexit, where media outlets presented a unified, pro-Brexit stance, and the widespread adoption and promotion of the Fyre Festival, each ultimately turning out to be disasters.
Yet, to fully understand why conflict can actually strengthen teams, let me mention the Social Penetration Theory, a foundational concept in interpersonal communication developed by psychologists Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor. At its core, this theory is about how relationships evolve — from surface to depth, from formality to intimacy. It suggests that human connection grows through a process of gradual, mutual self-disclosure. In other words, we build trust by revealing increasingly personal or sensitive layers of ourselves over time, and seeing them accepted by the other person.
Original: Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor at Wikispaces
While this theory is often discussed in the context of personal or romantic relationships, its principles hold profound relevance in the workplace, especially for mission-driven teams where collaboration, empathy, and sustained interaction are essential.
However, as disclosure deepens — whether it’s sharing a concern, admitting a mistake, or challenging an idea — we begin to step outside the bounds of surface-level harmony. And any time people reveal more of themselves, the risk of tension increases. These tensions should not be interpreted as signs of dysfunction, however. They are actually signs that the team is engaging in real relationship work.
In short, we don’t get to real collaboration without real disclosure — and we don’t get to real disclosure without making space for conflict.
We must understand that conflict arises not in the absence of connection, but because of it. The more invested we become, the more we care about decisions, outcomes, and fairness. We stop “keeping the peace” just to protect appearances. Instead, we take emotional risks in the service of truth, accountability, and growth.
But there’s a catch: teams can only tolerate this kind of vulnerability if they have the relational infrastructure to hold it. This includes psychological safety, explicit norms around communication, and shared expectations about how disagreement will be handled.
Without that foundation, self-disclosure — and by extension, conflict — feels dangerous. People may retreat into silence, passive aggression, or guarded compliance. In such environments, conflict doesn’t go away. It just goes underground.
So here’s a key point: vulnerability isn’t just about sharing tender stories or personal emotions. Sometimes it sounds like disagreement. It sounds like saying, “I see this differently,” or “That decision didn’t sit well with me.” It shows up when someone risks speaking an unpopular truth or pointing out a blind spot. Which is why teams who never fight might not actually be “high-functioning.” They might just be stuck on the surface. Or worse, team members are traumatized and afraid to speak up, given past experiences.
When disagreement is voiced respectfully and genuinely received, it signals that the relationship — or the team — is strong enough to handle complexity. It allows individuals to be fully known, not just pleasantly agreeable. In this way, conflict becomes a gateway to deeper trust, not a detour from it.
As such, the most effective teams don’t avoid conflict. They build the kind of culture where it can be aired safely, processed collectively, and resolved constructively — ultimately leading to stronger bonds and sharper insight. So when a colleague challenges a decision, offers a dissenting view, or pushes back with care, what they’re often saying is: “I trust this team enough to go deeper.”
The Difference Between Good Conflict and Bad Conflict
All this said, please understand that not all conflict is helpful. Left unchecked, conflict can turn personal, corrosive, and exhausting. But when managed well, conflict can be clarifying, connective, and even creative.
The key is not to eliminate conflict, but to cultivate the conditions under which it can be productive.
When It Makes Sense to Bring in Outside Support
Yet, not all conflict can — or should — be solved internally. Even in the healthiest organizations, there are times when the weight of tension becomes too heavy to carry alone.
Here are a few signs it might be time to seek outside help:
Conversations keep circling without resolution. The same issues keep arising, despite good intentions and repeated efforts.
Psychological safety has eroded. Team members no longer feel comfortable speaking openly, or silence has replaced candid dialogue.
Power dynamics are unspoken but ever-present. When positional authority, identity, or interpersonal history make it hard to engage as equals.
Conflict has become personal. Disagreements are no longer about the work — they’re about people, and emotions are running high.
Leadership feels stuck. Even seasoned managers may hesitate to intervene or worry about making things worse.
In these moments, bringing in a neutral, skilled facilitator isn’t a failure of leadership — it’s an act of care. Outside support can provide structure, clarity, and a sense of calm. It allows everyone — leaders included — to step out of reactive roles and into reflective, intentional spaces where new paths forward can be discovered.
Final Thought: Conflict Is a Muscle, Not a Mistake
So the next time your team disagrees, don’t panic. Lean in. Listen closely. And remember: sometimes, the friction isn’t a sign of failure. It’s the heat that forges the strength to move forward together. And if you need an outside mediator, please check out Compassionate Navigation, LLC. We help teams move through conflict with dignity, empathy, and practical tools they can carry forward. Whether you’re facing an acute challenge or proactively building a healthier team culture, the proper guidance can help you not only resolve tension but also grow from it.
